[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
It smells like butt-rock in
here. I'm leaving.
Oh, wait, I can't go back.
They're bombing.
I know what, I'll go and ask that security
guard if he knows how to get out of here.
Come to think of it, I'm not sure
why I didn't do that in the first place.
Ehh, I guess we were both
kind of distracted.
Did that collapse under its own weight?
I've made stronger pillow forts than that!
Though, to be fair, my
pillow forts were pretty bad ass.
I used to soak them in plaster of Paris
and would let them dry to reinforce them.
That sure pissed mom off.
But, in the end, I think it was worth it.
I think I remember some
explosives here...?
Now there's just scorch marks...
And this is after... firing...
that rocket...
Well, I'll take these grenades anyway.
I'm not so upper-class I won't
accept grenades in worn condition.
They're just going to explode anyway.
So, where am I going now?
Oh, hey, that blew a hole down there.
May as well check that out.
I'm still not happy with the trend
of going down, but, y'know,
anywhere's better than here.
So, hey, that means that was the whole alien.
I was afraid I was going to
look down there and see...
That means this is legit,
this might go somewhere.
I mean, it probably leads to a
room filled with poison gas
and a bunch of dead people
who look just like me,
but I don't KNOW that, so
there's room for hope, I guess.
But, yeah, I was expecting to look
down there and see this giant eyeball
looking up at me, angry at me because
I blew off its eyelashes or something,
then the whole building starts shaking
and I guess I'd... just... ball up and cry.
Because, what do you do when
something that big wants to kill you?
I'm used to people being beneath
me, in so many ways.
God, it smells like ass down here!
Maybe I should go back, this is rank!
But, then again, I'm not exactly
Crescent Fresh myself.
Well, this experience is enough
to show those chicken people up.
I hate those people who say
every new meat tastes like chicken.
I bet this thing tastes
NOTHING like chicken;
it doesn't smell like cooked chicken.
I haven't tasted it, but
this thing smells bad.
Wow, this is really making put
my money where my mouth is.
Because earlier I said I wanted
to do a long drop cannonball
if there was water down there.
But there's a light down there,
this could be all right...
Cons: I might starve to death
where nobody could ever find me.
Pros: This could be fun as hell.
[gasping, Geiger counter clicking]
Oh... radiation... dead bodies... no...!
All right! I'm making a lot of progress
for not knowing where the hell I'm going.
And I can breathe.
What more could I want?
Whoa. That's a lot of sludge.
[Geiger counter clicks]
Wait, this doesn't go anywhere.
JESUS CHRIST! Look at how much
we're pumping out!
I thought the other spills were bad,
but I also thought they
might be kind of contained,
like we had some sort of plan
if this happened,
I'm not a bleeding-heart ecologist, and
I've got more pressing things on my mind,
but fuck me, if this gets into
the groundwater...
Well, that's it, we've already been playing
crash and burn with this whole facility,
but this is us pissing on the ashes as
our final tribute to the whole community.
I'm getting out of New Mexico.
I don't care what the
agreement on my lease says.
I'm glad I didn't buy a house.
Real estate here is going to be a thing
of the past once cancer rates explode
and two-headed babies start being born.
[Geiger counter clicks]
I'll try going this way.
[Geiger counter clicks]
This is all even worse than it looks.
[Geiger counter clicks]
Because, say we were dumping
[Geiger counter clicks]
barrels of pig shit into the groundwater.
[Geiger counter clicks]
That would not be good,
[Geiger counter clicks]
but at least that's biodegradable
[Geiger counter clicks]
and would eventually decompose over time.
[Geiger counter clicks]
But, no, look at this.
[Geiger counter clicks]
My Geiger counter's ticking and
[Geiger counter clicks]
this stuff is fucking glowing.
[Geiger counter clicks]
That's radioactive.
[Geiger counter clicks]
That's not going anywhere.
[Geiger counter clicks]
Radiation is the gift that keeps on giving.
[Geiger counter clicks]
Maybe I should just leave the country,
[Geiger counter clicks]
go back to Austria.
[Geiger counter clicks]
It was nice there.
[Geiger counter clicks]
Plus, I swear half the women there
[Geiger counter clicks]
look like they could be models.
[Geiger counter clicks]
And, of course, there my beard
[Geiger counter clicks]
would get the respect it deserves.
[Geiger counter clicks]
I mean, look at Freud.
[Geiger counter clicks]
He knew what he was doing.
Unlike here where nobody has any style
and everyone looks the same.
Though, I will say that--whoa, long drop.
Wow, this place just
goes down forever, huh?
Yeah, I will say the Einstein
hair and mustache look
that some people around here are
sporting is pretty happening.
I thought it was a little weird at first
but it's definitely growing on me.
I bet Einstein got babes.
Kind of disappointing, though I guess
that's better it detaching the pipe
and me plummeting to my death.
You can see the skin
on top of it like soup!
You know, now that I think about it,
the Einstein look is really just the
Karl Marx look just without the beard.
Hey, another pipe entrance!
Oh, I can clear this gap.
I'll just get enough speed
to go around the side.
It'll be just like how I used to pass
people in those tube slides as a kid.
Yeah, what sucked about doing
that as a kid was that
sometimes there wouldn't be enough clearance
between me and the kid in front of me,
so I'd come at them full-speed and try to
pass, but then we both get wedged in the tube.
Then they would get skin-burns
from rubbing against the plastic,
then they'd start crying,
then the teacher would yell at
me for not waiting my turn,
then I'd get detention...
Hey, what are those green lights?
Huh, I guess it's residue from the waste.
[metal groaning]
But why aren't the--
Our cheap-ass table complements
our cheap-ass pipe,
because now my knees aren't broken.